I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
