I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
