She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize