so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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