when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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