you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
