Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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