I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
