My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
