i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
