so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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