well I can't set my house on fire every night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The Olympian is in my bed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
