no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
