i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
