I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My vagina just clenched in fear
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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