I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
