the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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