just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
