kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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