apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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