Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
