That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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