She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i came on her dog
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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