which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize