2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
