I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
