Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
