just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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