What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
