you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
