i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
