btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
