kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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