How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
