11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We got so high we made milksteak
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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