obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
