Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
