I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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