where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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