doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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