Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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