Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
