No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
