i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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