I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
