Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
