Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
