RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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