Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
