I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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