either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
