Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
