I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
