yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
