So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Two words: blizzard sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
