she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
