Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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