my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
