i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
