I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize