no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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