Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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