I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
